Th Disaster Behind Every Beautiful Love

Th Girl.

valerie

21 Years Old
25/09/88
J

&myLOVE

WEI SI LUY

&Bling Blings

ferlynn
peiying
wayne
ferlycia
Kerou
xiuhua
cecilia
karen
gwen
fiona
alexis
marcella
jasmine
jane
kayslyn
louis
skully
vanessa
rena
mckezine
hanwen
ivy
esther
evelyn
stephanie
juffrie
amanda
issac
raymond
eddy
williem
mychelle
phoenix

&UnconditionalDesires

Earn many many MONEY
BIKEY license
Driving license
Ipod Touch
New Skates

&Cacophony

&gone by.

October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Was off yesterday, but last minute sean wanted me t report for work, cuz th stupid idiot koji take mc again. Luckily i woke up super early, if not, i don't think i can. hah. But well, i stayed till around 5 plus then i left, went t bugis with ferlynn nd my sister. Met up with valerie nd russell when we reached bugis, cuz my sis said tht russell was looking for a something t give t his mom, so we accompanied him(in a sense). Decided t have dinner at Tian Tian steamboat, cuz they always advertise on tv, showing th wide range of food they have. Well, i can swear t god tht IT'S TOTALLY crap. It sucks, so never go there.

Now i know tht my feelings are rubbish t you. i shall not bring it up anymore. Just let me choke on my feelings nd die, cuz you no longer care.

8:29:00 PM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

imma fool for you, i suppose.

I didn't use t be like this, but i don't know why i've become like this, yet i can't stop myself from doing this. Even though you've already told me you won't msg her, you think tht makes a difference? Cause she works at th same place as you, you can always talk t her wad. When you first started working, you would always call me during ure break, but now you don't, i bet it's because ure eating with different girls everyday. You always don't allow me t go find you after work, i don't know why, i feel tht you don't want t let ure colleagues know tht you've got a girlfriend. Even when ure friend ask you where's ure girlfriend, you can tell them "wait for you t intro lor" Seriously, i don't feel good bout this, i feel bad, really really bad. I don't know what you've been msging her nd wht she's been msging you, i want t know yet you refuse t let me know. Even though, you've already told me it's just casual chit chatting, it still makes me suspect tht thr's something going on, cause you deleted them all then you come talk t me. I hate t know tht ure msging a girl yet i don't know wht you guys are talking about.

I admit, i don't have confidence in myself, it's true. That's because, i've come t realise tht thr's no one guy tht can be faithful t one girl all his life. I wanna go out with you all th time, i wanna meet you after work everyday, i wanna check ure phone all th time, i wanna know every single thing, cuz m afraid, very very afraid. i wanna cry everyday, nd i let them all out only when ure not around.

Everytime you go meet another girl, you never never tell me. It's always someone else who would tell me. It has happened so many times tht i don't trust you when thr's something tht's got t do with another girl. It shows tht thr's something going on you see, if you don't let me know. Tht's what i believe.

11:47:00 AM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

Thursday, December 14, 2006

i've been staying sooooo damn calm, don't even know how i managed t do it.

Even when i confronted him, i didn't flare up at all. Instead, he flared up, told him straight he didn't have th right t flare up at all. He was angry, i could sense, he's gonna dig out th person who told me this, i told him m 100% confident he cnt find it. Cuz he would never have thought i would be in contact with a certain someone. He has a large circle of friend's, yes, but he underestimated me, he always does. He doesn't know i have a very large circle of friends too. He'll just be another Zheng Hao if he's gonna ask around to look for th person, cuz he'll just be making a fcuking fool out of himself. Imagine, he's gonna tell people, "oh someone told my girlfriend i went for my interview with my ex girlfriend, then i wanna find tht nosey parker". Come on, what would people think? He's afraid t let his own girlfriend know he went out with another girl? Totally senseless.

Yesterday's chalet was GREAT, i went down with ferlynn, jane, peiyaing nd karen. When we reached, karen was th first one t start munching on th foods. Haha, make her look so damn greedy. I saw many ex-classmates, though not all. i miss them soooo much. Then, of course, Iris Teh was there, she organised th chalet wht. So she was asking me when i wanna go collect me school leaving cert nd N levels cert, she asked me when i'll be free nd i asked her back. In th end, i gave her my handphone number nd told her t call me when she wants me t collect my cert nd all. By th time we wanna go home, something happened between ferlynn nd zheng hao. Damn funny please, cuz zheng hao's like th idiot, really an IDIOT literally, cannot find ferlynn thn call me , call karen, call jane, say all those childish rubbish. In th end, we fooled him(in a sense), he thought tht he was so clever no one could fool him, we just did it yesterday night. So we shared cab back tgthr, reached home bout 3 plus, super tired.

Heart feels so tight, i feel so totally messy on th inside.

11:17:00 AM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

today, i came t know so many things.

I found out tht he lied t me, so many things he lied t me about. Thanks t someone who told me. Feels so messy inside, then sean called, said tht th boy paid extra deposit th other time, but i didn't write it down, thanks t my clumsiness. but anyway, it's my fault, so just deduct from my pay lo. so many things happening, feel like dying please. Got so much troubles alr, then suddenly something comes hitting on me again. sigh.

i don't look forward t waking up. i need t rest.

8:29:00 PM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Heartbroken-ed.

Many people can make me laugh, but only you can make me laugh th way i want. It's been th smae for days, i've had enough. don't know wht ure up to, maybe you got a new girlfriend outside, i do not know.

Anyway, out of tht topic. OMFG, it was so tiring helping sean pack th fourteen crossbacks, was liek total shit. tire me out. nvm, tmr will be a better day. I saw mr tea's little boys today, they're sooooo fcuking cute, damn it cute.

Everyone's asking me t go out, i don't feel liek going anywhere at all. things hasn't be going on well for me at all. im feeling down.

11:20:00 PM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Everyone's out, only me, loning myself away at home.

Thr's work for me tmr, sean says its gonna be a busy day. Mother wants t work with me, so happy, sean said i could ask her t go down nd take a look first. anyways, starhub said tht i've got a prob with my sim card, so i gotta go down t th customer service centre t change it.

Life's th same, it's been going down btw.

11:43:00 PM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

Friday, December 08, 2006

Having a really bad headache now, so bad i can't even put myself t sleep after two sleeping pills.

Alone at his house right now, thinking bout many things. I've been thinking if m doing th right things all this whl. I need t move out of this place real soon, if i go on staying here, i'll just go crazy.

I feel so bad now, cuz i left sean nd koji all alone doing up th fish tank at th customer's house. M really sorry, but my headache's really getting worse, i feel sick.

Karen just called me t ask if i wanted t go t th class chalet on wed, gotta ask sean if i can take off on thurs so i can go t th chalet.

9:35:00 PM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

I'm breaking down real soon, i swear.

I may appear like nothing bad has ever happened, truth is, there're too many things happening, i can't handle it on my own. I may smile t you, nd joke with you every night, but have you ever tried t look inside? Did you even realise tht i cried while you were sleeping? i'm crying now, there you are, right beside me, snoring ure life away. I merely came back a little later, just tht half an hour later, you had t blow up. God has been really cruel, cause he didn't tell you how much m suffering on th inside, he didn't even tell you how much i wanted just at least you t be beside me when im down nd under. He forgot t tell you tht, i hate t work, how much i hate it when koji boss me around. He didn't let anyone know how m feeling, yet he created my life this way. When everything started falling, yes, you were thr for me, but you didn't understand me. Ure love for me has came t a point of possession, ure care has become demands. Everytime i start t cry, you never bother t ask why i'm crying, instead, you told me not t be so noisy. When you fell, you told me t call for help, you would be so nice nd all when you needed me, now i tell you tht my friends want me t return th help they gave me, you screamed at me. I've told you time nd again i would not help you anymore, but yet, time nd again i still cont helping you. Have you ever thanked me for it? Seriously, whether you thank me anot, i don't bother, i only bother if ure safe nd sound, cuz m afraid of being alone. Do you even know tht i always get scolded at work? You don't, cuz i didn't want you t worry, i told you it was fun working thr nd thr was practically nothing for me t do all day. Everyday, when people scold me stupid, moron nd all, you think i like it, you think i enjoy it? I can only give my own stupid attitudes nd risk being sacked. You don't know me at all, beacause you didn't even take th effort t know me at all. you only know me as per wht you see, not wht you know.

I was totally upset with th excuse you gave me, said you didn't call me during lunch cuz there were too many people? So calls can only be made when there are a few people is it? Have you ever tried looking into my tear filled red eyes? You've never tried, tht's why you don't know wht m crying for, you don't know tht th tears came from ma heart. I realise how fragile life is, just a wrong move nd things go haywire. I hate t live, i seriously hate t live, th reason i can still be sitting here is because, i know my mother needs me, i know my brother needs me, i can't put a full-stop yet. I want a luxurious life, i want t be th girl in every girl's dream, but i know i don't deserve all this. In this life, i would never have a complete picture of my life, cuz i know i wouldn't want t complete this journey at all.

So many times i tried nd yet i still failed, to get you t know me nd my wants. I don't want t depend on you, but i can't, cause you allowed me t depend on you right from day one. Whenever i had little too much, you would be th one t bring me home, whenever i said i was hungry, you made sure thr was food presented in front of me, wht i want are not these, i want care nd concern nd understandings from you. i need you t know tht m miserable, cuz you don't seem t realise at all, cause when i tell you m sad, you wold just look at me, give me a smile nd continue on ure games.

-God is punishing me for th sins tht i've done

1:13:00 AM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I had dumplings for breakfast this morning. His mommy told me tht her mother made those dumplings, nd asked if i wanted, i didn't hesitate for a yes. While munching into th dumpling, i thought of my grandmother, she made dumplings at this certain time of th year too. She would never forget tht i hate dumplings with all th fillings inside, she'd make a few wrapped with only rice, just for me:))) At th same time, i thought of my grandpa, he knows i love crabs, prawns nd just almost every kind of seafood. Everytime i go up for dinner, he never fail t present me with a plate full of CHILLI CRABS, nd thr would be another small little plate aside filled with crab's meat he picked out for me. If thr were prawns, they would all be plucked when it's time for dinner, all th prawn head in another bowl would be for meeeeee only. hahaha. On some days where we have t pray t th ancestors(something like tht luh), there wld be A whole DUCK nd a whole CHICKEN, nd guess who get's all th drumsticks??? hehehe. Oh well, tht's just th past, i can only reminisce.

I miss my grandparents so much, i wanted so much t go visit them but mummy says N-O!!! there would be those grannys nd grandpas walking past th shop everyday, sometimes i really hope tht my grandparents would just walk past, really. Tht's how much i miss them.

10:30:00 AM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Been long since my last post. Was like working everyday for th whole of last week, cuz Koji went for reservist(think it's spelt this way). There was th Qian Hu competition, Sean got consolation for one of his fish, but i don't know why, he thinks it's an embaressment that he didn't get one of th top 3, at least got something wad.

Anyway, was off yesterday, actually wanted t go k-box, but in th end decided t head down t east coast t skate. It's been eons since i went t skatesports. Most people like jeremy, jardine, vivien nd all are not working thr anymore, they went t work at skateline.

I had t collect my sim card at tampines mall, nd those certified coaches had t go millenium court t take some test, so we went urban skating t tampines. Three more days nd i'll be using back my old number, how cool!! After collecting my sim card, we went t millenium court t look for th others, then urban back t east coast again. My god, i tell you, it was like damn tiring, it's really really been long since i skated so much.

So by th time we were back at east coast, it was alr 9.30pm. Everyone was so freaking tired. Haha, slacked for a lil while at th rink, then me nd my sis headed down t kovan for dinner.

12:59:00 PM
Th perennial lies you've been feeding me
&_scribbles with blood-ed ink Y