It's not easy to be me. Each and everyone of you out there can have your 101 reasons to tell me I'm wrong but I'm gonna tell you that you're wrong. There is no slowly or take your time or do it one thing at a time, there is no time at all.

Memminger's my new best friend. Been having a little too much of those lately.

Tonight's another party night, awesome!

It's not your fault because you cannot deliver, it's my fault for asking/expecting too much.

I envy all around me. I cause my own heartbreaks. I have myself to blame.

Work's bad :(

Life's worse :((

and i wish i was blind and deaf and mute, this way i'd never have to see and hear and speak, maybe not even feel.

My life is currently speeding straight into destruction mode, feels like I'm losing myself. I haven't been able to manage my emotions of late, I would go into a rampage at the slightest matter. I do not have time anymore. ZERO.

One month after National Day.

Remember how fascinating this was??

National Day was a month back, but it's only today I decided to take time out to sort out the zillions of outdated pictures.

Spent National Day over at Marina Bay Sands with K and J. Buffet dinner first at Rise restaurant with K's family. Then it was followed by a painstaking trip just to get up to our rooms, you had to queue just to take the lift. Nonetheless, we got to our room just in time to watch the parade. Best part of the night, the view of the fireworks and the aerial display. The fireworks display wow-ed me totally, it was right in front of you and felt like it's a celebration just for you.

When everything else ended, we decided to have a few drinks at amber 21. I love hanging out with the girlfriends,I don't need alot, just a few, the few who can keep me happy forever.

Last night was another awesome night with J and K. Saw lotsa people!! First stop was taboo where we stayed t watch the fashion show of half naked men, saw ZQ, louisa, efren and song. Then walked down to jollyfrog bistro to say hi to izad and dayat.

Next was nana, where we saw ganeshcross rosemary tan and orochi, HAHA!!! We met up with HW and A. Stayed there till closing and they guys from SC came down as well. The best part of th night, BREAKFAST BUFFET AT MARINA BAY SANDS HOTEL RISE RESTAURANT! Luxurious life really, but gotta snap back to reality when i come back t CCK.

Tonight's mahj with FF with idk who else other than james at bedok, damn awesome, I LOVE MAHJ!!! B's not really very happy with me staying out so often lately, honestly i'd control if I had work to do and stuff, but right now when i'm sucha free women, why can't he just let me be for a moment, haha, i didn't get drunk anyway for the past three times that i went drinking.

I have pictures both in the phone and camera, but idk why m so lazy and i'd better shower now before i'm late for mahj, FF's gonna slap me. hoho.

Last night was a good night with jane at Jab 1 and Dragonfly. We're th random phatkids, we have impromptu dinner dates and drinking sessions. HAHA!

Caught Haunted changi with Jane, K and Huiyun. Th show was a total waste of our time, please don't watch it.

I need good fooood today. Where are you J? We're planning on having Shokudo for dins, i've got cravings for dim sum though, probably have that for after drinks tummy satisfaction:)

I've a friend named Ganeshcross Rosemary Tan and he's so funny i just feel like punching his face over and over again. HEH!

I'm having a good break now before I start my new job on the 15th september.

And lastly, MARCELLA YONG YOU BETTER COME OUT SOON, I WANNA SEE YOUR FACE!

I don't know where I can find a friend who's more retarded than he is, seriously!

Actually I'm kinda happy with my life now, happy to know I have the best Phatgirls around me, happy to know I'll wake up to my favourite person and smell. I'm just short of a job that I love & enjoy and MONEY-never enough.

B just bought me a notebook, for our 1 year anniversary(which obviously he doesn't really care about) and my birthday(which is hitting in a month). Super awesome. I have the best boyfriend in the whole wide world and I thank him for everything he has done for me.

I just finished an entire season of GLEE-22 episodes. I'm waiting for GG season 4 now, I thought it'd be out by th time this notebook came to my hands, but NO, damn it, cannot wait.

Okay, I got sudden cravings for chippy BBF, i'm gonna go and get them now!!!

Caught th jack neo movie last night at Lot 1 with th fat boyf-normal, not very exciting but it was funny, quite boring actually, 2/5 seriously.

HDB is such an irritant, one loan and they have to make me submit sooooo many documents luckily this dickson guy gets back to me very quickly. Mommy is making alot of noise cuz it's causing her quite abit of inconvenience.

I haven't seen the phat K since I returned from my trip, too busy or what this girl. Oh, and Fer as well, all busy schooling and working.

I really think that I have one of th best boyfriend but sometimes he can be sucha wreck I just wanna ignore him, like now. ANNOYED ME BIG BIG TIME!

It's 45 minutes to the end of thursday's work, 5:30 please come soon, why do I always have to countdown to it? haha!

Hongkong trip is over and we gotta go back there again, there are so many places i have yet t step foot in. The humongous buddha, the peak, disneyland......

Haven't had time to put up the pictures yet, but it was a gooood trip, so good i told B that i don't wanna come back to singapore because i feel that he loves me more when we're in hongkong. He'll never ever let me wander off on my own and he holds on t my hands no matter what, how sweet:)

I thought there will be mountains of work to do when i came back, amazingly, there was none. Where else can you ever find a job like this? And, I have been doing nothing everyday, basically i just watch movies on W.TV or I do my own things, NO WORK AT ALL.

1 minute to 5:30, gotta run!

Didn't meet up with th girls last weekend, spent it working at Supperclub instead. But they popped by on Saturday.

Saturday was an awesome dinner at MBS hotel's rise restaurent with K and friends. Th oysters, mussels, scallops, octopus, prawns 5/5. Th desserts, their marshmellows were gooood(for a person who actually don't like t eat marshmellows) 4/5. The Asian food 3/5, watery laksa but yummy roasted duck meat. Th waitresses there were soooooo efficient in clearing th plates we were done with. Apart from th wonderful food, we even had a spectacular view of th fireworks due to th NDP preview goin on at Padang to make our dinner an even better experience, the view would have been better in th room which was on th 44th storey though.

Can't wait for next week to come, hongkong and Macau with th cousin and aunt and loveliest boyfriend. Heh! And I know how much this Gwen wants to slap mr for having no time t talk to her regarding th trip.

Coming sunday marks our first anniversary and there will be a solar eclipse on that day. There's no link but solar eclipse are rare and I'm happy it's happening on th same day and it makes me feel like this is gonna be th best boyfriend m gonna have, ever:))) Th fat boyfriend better make sure he make me a happy girl that day it else I'm not gonna give him his gift. Yes, I'm threatening him.

Also, I havent't seen FYJZ in th longest time. Miss this shorty
so much. Haha.

Lunchtime in an hour. Great.

Th only time i ever turn to doing this is when i get really upset and voicing it out doesn't help at all.

I hate staying in your house, not because i hate your house. I hate it when i don't go to work and your parents have much more t say and ask than my own mother. I hate it when i go out late at night and th people who are going on and on in my ears are your parents rather than my own. I feel tortured staying in your house with your mom this your mom that, your dad this and your dad that. Th more you do it, th more it's gonna make me dislike them. It is only due t th fact that i still respect them as your parents that i still answer and entertain to their naggings, and i know thay care(sort of). Honestly, it is driving me up th wall. Best of all, list me ten things i could do to keep myself entertained when i'm bored:) I couldn't do it.

And you, always thinking that you have gone all out, did your best to make this relationship work and make time for me while you juggle with your work and friends. WHAT exactly have you done, please tell me about it. When was th last time YOU asked me out for a movie? In fact, WHEN was th freaking last time you asked me out? Just th two of us, if i have forgotten, that makes it 100%, you won't even remember. Th cold hard truth is, you don't make me happy anymore. Even YOUR friends would make me happier than you did. If this is what was intended from th day we became "in a relationship" status, don't spoil me like how you did at the start. What do you do when i tell you things like this? "OKAY, FINE." and turn away, not giving a fuck at all, AT ALL. Th fact is, you don't care anymore. I have been telling you more I HATE YOUs than I LOVE YOUs, that is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. FACE IT, You are simply self centered and care only about yourself and ignorant t those around YOU, and that definitely includes me. All you have now is your fucking job, your fucking god damned work that i hate so much. Don't tell me i'm suffocating you, because clearly, i am not. I don't stop you from going out with friends, I don't stop you from needing time alone, basically, I DON'T STOP YOU FROM DOING ANYTHING. Let's say even if we did go out, when is it that you won't give me a face and tell me you're tired? when is it that you'll go out with me happily and laugh with me? I'm tired of accomodating t you all th time. I feel disgusted going out with you when i always see you going out with your friends and you can be so happy and cheerful. It has been known and forgotten to you that i've been on gastric pills and when i tell you i'm hungry, you tell me not t eat cuz m fat, THAT IS SO SWEET AND HELPFUL AND THOUGHTFUL of you. It's been two months since i started at shaw tower, How many times have you sent me t work? how many times have you picked me up from work? Have you ever come t meet me for lunch? I'm sick and tired of having t spoon feed you with everything, don't you have this thing called initiative?

I would have been very happy with you like you were all i wanted. But you are screwing this up, you are screwing us up with all your fucking i only wanna fucking god damn work and nothing else. And you know, seriously, FCUK YOU AND YOUR GOD DAMNED WORK. I am sick and tired of this damn line and if you want t put this relationship in jeaopardy, I can do it with you! You go to work early and come home late, i put up with it, but why in the world must I still put up with nonsense when i am at home and resting, i can't have peace. I have so many rules and regulations to keep up with in your house. It is driving me crazy. Notice the mood swings i've been having? I don't think you're that blind, but you don't give two flying fucks. TYVM.

I really don't feel like talking to you at all. Don't ask me what happen and th likes, i'm sick and tired of spoon feeding you with information. Wanna see how destruction starts? you missed it, it has started. These pent up feelings are gonna come flying back into your face.


But I never told you, what i should have said, I just held it in. And now, I just miss everything about you.

I MISS GNM BADLY!!!

@JIANANA

@PHATKEED

@SCARLETSTARXZ

If you leave a bitten apple for too long, it'll be inedible, rotten. I always think that my life sucks, big time.

So it's been Monday mj @ Cheryl's, Tuesday mj @ Marcie's, Wednesday mj @ Marcie's. Total winnings of $80 :))) Ultimate happiness.

Th weather hasn't been looking good these days, just when i decide to dedicate this whole week to shed some kilos. Whyyyyyy?

I don't like t talk to you now, I hate MBS ttm. FML.

See the grumpy face with th beautiful tiles, i could've won. damn it.

She calls herself THE JUDGE. She's giving th judge face.

Tonight I couldn't get t sleep. So i got online, and having a nice long conversation with my sister and cousin.

K and I bought our running shoes on tuesday, awesome. Afterwhich was mahjong at marcie's again with th girls. <3>

So Monday marks th start of healthy slimming since we spent a certain amount on th shoes. Totally looking forward, i hope.

Promise to go prawning was fulfiled but poor B only had only an hour of sleep after prawning before he had to get up and go to work. Was it the new rod's luck or that we're just lucky? Prawns got hooked one after another, super ecstatic. But bad migraine had to spoil it all, damn.

Sometimes I get really annoyed with myself, why do i work my brains with so much redundant things? I don't know the directions, get me a director.

Kris' 21st birthday at Changi's SAFRA tonight, baby says he'll come back t pick me up and i feel quite bad about it. Then again, I'll be heading down Tampines t find mommy so I guess it should be fine.

GG, i lost my phone. damnszxs it.

I guess i'll have t start engaging in healthy activities such as fishing and prawning and mahjong-ing instead of drinking away. B says he'd rather i lose all th money away on mahjong than me spending th money on drinks.

Th whole of saturday was spent out fishing on th sea with K, D and B on D's boat. Friday was losing my dear iphone before CLASH OF THE TITANS@0000hrs. Love th show, love it ttm. Supperclub thereafter, home at 4:45 and slept only at 5am when we had t get up at 8am.

I managed to get up anyhow and had t pull th fatty out of bed. It was all worth th little sleep that we had, fantastic trip with fantastic people like K.

It all started with a sunny morning and th sky turned threatening in th afternoon. Starting from Ponggol Marina where th boat was parked, we passed Pulau Ubin, saw th celestail resort then made a stop at one of th kelongs on th sea t get live baits and ice. Next destination was seas near Tekong where we made a few stops along th way t try our luck. Due t th poor weather, we didn't have much luck in getting fishes. At th end of it, th total catch was only 2. But, i was happy enough, it was a great day with people i love th most.

Back t th dock at about 6pm, th guys did a little clean up for th boat and off t Changi Village t re-spool their reels, and and and baby bought me pretty purple prawning rod!!

Wordy post cuz i lost my phone and cam, nothing for me t snap.

Th Shack@Sentosa later fo izad's birthday cum gathering for th ex-km8 staff. Should be great fun.

I have this awesome new love for the sambal fried rice at yew tee point. It's weird how the restaurant's halal but they actually have char siew rice.

Last minute decision mahjong at marcie's place late last night, lost $2.50. One of th liveliest mahjong ever, I officially love playing mahjong with the girlfriends instead of th guys because they always get too serious with th game.

Left G.spa, don't like the environment. Waiting for the call from my sister's company, i'm currently whiling my time away doing nothing:)

Mommy's birthday coming soon, 7th april. Who's coming? Intending to bring her to supperclub and drown her with lotsa alcohol. *evil smile*

I officially miss alcohol. Really, i do.

Off for sambal fried rice. bye.

Singapore Zoological Gardens + Fish Spa

Some kind of grilled squid, delicious.

Trip to th zoo with my fatty on tuesday, spells H A P P Y.

Baby says i gotta write a compo of our day at th zoo, 300 words. Plan was t get up at 10am and probably reach th zoo at about 12, but smart him decided t use th computer till 4am and, just as expected, he wouldn't be able t crawl out of his comfy sofa bed.

We made it there just in time to catch th elephant show, love it. Huge and not cute(because boyf thinks i am annoying when i use cute t describe ALL animals), th show they presented makes me fall in love with them.

It was a really really wonderful day, one thing i might never understand, why must his face be such a gloomy shade of dark which says, "this is boring, shouldn't have came".

So, we saw otter, orang utan, leopard, puma, white tiger, lion, python, kangeroo, emu, giraffe, seal, POLAR BEAR, giant turtle, hippo, rhino, rabbit, flamingo, parrot, chimpanzee, komodo dragon and anyway, th usual animals in our zoo which is a waste of time naming them all.

Smoking was prohibited in th zoo, but we manage t sneak a few sticks, like underage smokers, must hide away from th public.

KFC for dinner at th zoo and for th first time, i had t queue for close to half an hour just t get my three piece chicken meal. There were only two counters open and in front of them were two lines of twenty people each. Smart.

Then it was chinatown for fish spa, baby's virgin trip, hoho. I have pictures but too lazy t get th wires needed t connect th phone t the com. Initially, we shared th same tank of fishes where my feet were surrounded by more than three quarter th fishes and baby's barely have fishes, poor boy. So he decided t abandon me and use th other tank of fishes where he became a delightful boy:) His feet surrounded by all th fishes.

Yesterday was supperclub followed by velvet and back t supperclub. Drunk as usual, nothing funny anymore.

I miss my fat boyfriend. He's working at supperclub now, must be flirting with all th pretty party girls.

I shall only drink on birthdays and weddings and gatherings and th likes.
I shall not drink because i feel like it.
I shall not drink excessively at any point of my life from now on.
I will try to promise th above three points because my boyfriend hates it and i looove him ttm<3<3<3 (he's not gonna believe me, definitely)

FMLTTM, i mean it.

Why th flying fuck must i even see it and now m really not feeling good anymore, not for th next few days. Really hate myself, you know th feeling when you never intended t find or see something, then it comes popping right in front of you, would you have closed it without going through th contents at all??

Feels as though you're gonna turn me into her, freaky.

I really wanna hate you, you know?
I really wanna cry, you know??

I haven't done this in a long time, work's been well enough but company's fucked up. With terms and conditions changing all th time and staff turnover is damn high.

After working at th spa for a month and going back t supperclub t work one month later, i realised i sort of lost my life, so i will be again, on th lookout for a new job cuz this job doesn't give me satisfaction at all.

Fatty's no longer working at XW anymore. While waiting for th start of his new job, he's working at supperclub:) i like:)))

I really really miss drinking with th girls, i love BQ with FF and Zouk/Velvet/phuture with K.

Have you ever felt very upset over ridiculous matters?? I do, all th time, even now and idkw.

;money&worthiness over satisfaction, that's you.
;satisfaction over money&worthiness, that's me, now you get?

I got a job now:)

Nobody's gonna be nagging at me everyday anymore, hoohoo.

Why gossip girl don't have, so upset.

Oh, prawning on monday night with james, FF, mommy and A, caught about 80 prawns, gobble prawns to my hearts content. yummsssss.

Boyf says he wanna get prawning rods for each one of us, like for what? waste money only.

AND HE'S REALLY ANNOYING ALL TH TIME!!! BUT STILL LOVE.

Line's back on hand, thanks to mummy loveeeeeee:) She paid up my bills, so harpee.

Work at Supperclub on wed's, fri's and sat's. Been good, really good, i'm enjoying it very much in fact.

I've been eating alot recently, idk why. Everybody's calling me fat and it makes me so upset.

From this site, it's definitely obvious how mundane and boorish my life has become. I have totally nothing to share anymore, so wtf.

i'm banned from lowcut tops, short dresses/skirts, drinking, staying out late. zzz, maybe not fully banned but still.

And last night, i finally manage t have a good night and waking up feeling refreshed.

A's off day tomorrow, I'm gonna make him bring me for lor mee and Hachiko.

Meeting mommy laterzxzsx.

After 10 days of moving t boyf's place, I finally have access t th internet. Honestly, life without TV, fine. Life without internet, fine. BUT LIFE WITHOUT BOTH TV AND INTERNET IS NOT FINE!

I'm currently doing part-time at supperclub, just for th time being.

I realised a major change in my life, feels that my mom and I have been closer than ever, dkw. I feel weird sometimes, honestly. But this was what i always wanted, isn't it?

I miss K, no more avenue7 and i can't wait for a new house for all of us except for frankie:)

To-do list
Get a job(if you realise it's on my resolution and every single one of my to do list but still not done)

Th last-est post before i leave t yewtee, my house is five sections of empty space now. Bye, friends, good friends, best friends, amazing friends. Haha, i sound like I'm gonna die.

Anyway, my items are th last t move. And, i gotta empty my lunch box before my father comes back t bring me t yewtee. weeeee........

Th place i used t call home will never be, anymore. We're all gonna be staying at different places. Mommy, jonathan and dominick will be at sengkang. Jasmine will be at marcus' place in Hougang. Whistle will be at FF's house in sengkang. AND ME, IN YEW TEE!!! I'm so far away from everybody, my friends and my family.

It's been a good two months back at my home, baby's newly renovated room is definitely gonna be looking awesomeeeeee, can't wait.

I've just started on packing my stuff, when we gotta evacuate th house by 10th, smart.

Fever yesterday night, makes me feel so awful, and when i'm feeling good now, i gotta pack all those dusty stuff that probably has been in th corner of my room for th past 20 years, haha. I'm gonna fall sick again.

I find myself very annoying sometimes, cuz i get upset over nothing.

back t packing, ttyl.

;ithinkyoudon'twantmeanymore:(

School has started and Dominick has gone t Montfort Secondary just like Jonathan. Big boys now....

XF and Xiong's over at my place now, doing nothing.

My baby's not in a beautiful mood today:( poor boy.

I take th alarm clock's place today, so i'm still up.

FUCK YOU AGAIN.

:(

Sometimes, really, sometimes just think before you speak, think bout th words and th way it's gonna come out of your mouth before you let them out. Doesn't mean you're always right even if you manage t prove that point most of th time, it just might not be. Sorry, but i really think we don't see eye t eye on alot of matters. GOD DAMN IT!

I know that i've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too.

Fuck you. upset. I'm not pleased. Life's a son of a bitch, now.

Here's th th first post for the year 2010. May there be good times for everyone of my precious, love, darlings, families, friends etc.... ah anyway for everybody.

Last night, did steamboat at katong, th tomyum was fantastic, tho th prices are a little higher than average, all in all th soup settled well with my tongue and that makes it all worth it. BQ with FF, K, marc, xiong, ming and fan after. Honestly, i really didn't wanna drink but for th fact that FF wants t go and K and marc agree with going down, so down t BQ we went.

Wanted t wait for baby t finish work at kovan but i screwed up in th end, making him rather upset i guess. hoho.

I just started on twitter recently and i am such a noob. roar. Jianana is super non-stop hits on twitter, really.

and i have one more thing t add t my new year resolution, DIET(very very very important because my baby says that if i become a big fat women, he's not gonna want me anymore, haha)

HAPPY NEW YEAR, iloveyou!